What is “Matrescence”?
“Matrescence” is a term that was coined in the 1970s and describes the transition into motherhood-comparable to how we think about transitions into other developmental stages like adolescence. I first heard this term on a podcast about motherhood, a few years after having my first child. I immediately felt validated about my own struggles with the transition to motherhood, as this term spoke to how significant the change is. Many moms unintentionally minimize their own experience, or downplay what a significant change parenthood is to every aspect of their being. I’ve seen moms wonder if they are experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety, though they don’t actually meet the diagnosing criteria. Having another way to describe what they are feeling is helpful, and normalizes the transition to motherhood can feel really uncomfortable and scary.
Becoming a mom not only adds another identity, but is also changes or influences our other pre-existing identities. You won’t ever be the same person you were before-which can feel very unsettling. For example, if you have a job in addition to your job as parent, you return to work after a parental leave and you now assess your work from a different perspective. As a therapist, I had a newfound perspective and compassion for the clients I worked with that were also parenting. You will also relate differently to your partner and friends; this can certainly provide a new richness to those relationships, but it can also create a distance in these relationships as well.
It will take time, perhaps years, to integrate your identities and find a new normal after you become a mom. It may be an ever-evolving process that doesn’t have an end-but there are ways to tolerate the change, feel confident in yourself and focus on the parts of the experience that have meaning for you.