Protecting Your Mental Health During the Holidays
As I reflect on my own parenthood experience and what I hear from other mothers in therapy sessions, there are a few things I hear again and again during this time of year. Despite the joy and expectations of happiness for this time of year, many are struggling with their emotional and mental health. Here are a few ideas of how to cope and protect your mental health during this time of year.
#1 Think about your boundaries ahead of time, and allow yourself to change them as needed. This may look like accepting invitations to certain family gathering or other events after you have assessed WHY you want to participate. Too often we say “yes” out of habit or obligation, rather than allowing ourselves to really assess the “cost-benefit” to certain activities. Additionally, if you get to the day of plans and you need to change your plans, you can. It can be stressful to know others want to see you and your kids, and that they may feel disappointed with any changes. But remember to re-frame these situations- telling yourself “I understand they may be disappointed” rather than “I caused their disappointment”. If we continually prioritize others’ feelings above our own, we will likely become resentful and burnt out.
#2 Try to keep consistent with the things you do the rest of the year to maintain your emotional and mental health. Given how busy things can be and the one-a-year events happening, we might forgo our exercise, time with friends, sleep habits and relaxation time for ourselves. Try to find ways to keep those foundational coping skills in place, and allow yourself to modify-maybe you can only make it to the gym twice instead of your typical four times, and that is okay.
#3 Consider additional help or even therapy if you find yourself unable to cope effectively, or are experiencing anxiety or depressive symptoms (these may be increased during this time of year). This can mean asking your support system to help you with the holiday “magic-making” (or talking with your partner about dividing the work more equitably), doing less, and really thinking about whether some of your emotional struggles exist outside of this time of year as well. We often convince ourselves that our distress is only due to circumstances, rather than seeing we might have maladaptive coping tools or lack tools all together.
It’s often the simplest of things that bring joy and warm memories for us and our kids during this time of year-so it’s okay to slow down or stay home.
